OH HELL NO!
DON’T DO IT BUDDY! Embrace your “social anxiety issues” and STAY HOME this Memorial Day Weekend! TAKE YOUR PHONE OFF THE HOOK to prevent your EVIL loved ones from contacting you, trying to convince you to WASTE YOUR MONEY buying gas for holiday travel to visit them that big oil company accountants are gleefully expecting to make their oil-spilling clients richer! Don’t let your loved ones try to MAKE YOU FEEL GUILTY — especially your clueless children! Tell THEM to pay for it and see how they’ll all shut up right fast! Or you could be SMART and tell your demon-possessed loved ones who choose to live far away from you to PISS OFF, saying if they want your company so badly, they will have to COME TO YOU instead! Exercise your right of MALE PRIVILEGE!
Memorial Day patriotic cake is cute, but wouldn’t you rather have a big bag of dope, a case of beer and a sex freak to spend the holiday with getting your freak on instead? Of course you would, you’re an American!
Memorial Day holiday traffic is the biggest of the year. It’s also a windfall for local city government’s cash coffers: cops ordered by their devious superiors to get their holiday ticket quotas! There will be cops lurking EVERYWHERE hoping to nab drunk drivers with ROAD BLOCKS and write traffic violation tickets, which your city loves… and EXPECTS! Why? Because of all that RESTITUTION MONEY they’ll be collecting from each inmate, stupid! Yes, big holidays are your broke city’s CASH COW — the broker the city, the more cops they send out to do the dirty deed over the weekend. So give your loved ones — especially dumb ass children hoping for a vacation joy ride — the middle finger and REFUSE to participate in the annual WALLET GRAB the cops, your city, the federal government and big oil companies ALL expect to rake in over this drunken three-day weekend!
Memorial Day Weekend DOMESTIC VIOLENCE! Avoid the annoying aggravation of being set-up by your loved ones for a domestic violence arrest. Avoid family get-togethers like the plague!
Researchers say DOMESTIC VIOLENCE arrests are always the highest over the Memorial Day weekend when hostile family members get together and engage in scream-fest histrionics, drunken knock-down drag-outs and GUN PLAY! Right now, unbeknownst to you, your rotten, scumbag scheming family member is plotting to get you arrested and thrown in jail over the weekend because they hate you and wish you trouble! Why go through all that family bullshit? JUST STAY HOME — or better yet, if you’re married with children, GET A MOTEL ROOM to disappear to! Get yourself a BIG BAG OF DOPE, arrange to get some pussy (or dick if you’re homosexual), buy some fresh porn and plan to spend your holiday holed-up drunk in a cheap motel room doing the nasty. Just think of all that AGGRAVATION you’ll avoid by just staying put from THIS GOOD ADVICE!
ARE YOU GOING TO BE STUPID? Do you wish to hear the judge slam his gavel down on you, sentencing you to jail all because you wanted to HAVE FUN, get drunk and beat up some deserving stupid loudmouth over the Memorial Day weekend? All-righty then! STAY OFF THE ROAD & STEER CLEAR OF ASSHOLES this holiday weekend, even if it means BEING MISERABLE & UNFULFILLED!
THIS COULD BE YOU, BUDDY! HEED OUR ADVICE: EMBRACE ANTI-SOCIAL BEHAVIOR & STAY INSIDE YOUR HOME DURING MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND!
Drunk drivers and domestic abuse inmates do SLAVE LABOR for the cops and their city… all because they went crazy and lived life on Memorial Day Weekend! How dare they!
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