While under arrest police say Michael Edwards suddenly lunged forward and grabbed a deputy’s testicles in two separate incidents. Edwards “refused to release his grasp until Investigative Services Bureau agents forcefully removed his hands.”
His potent gay dick is making babies all over the place!
“Wait a minute… gays don’t MAKE babies! Heterosexuals do! Yet another example of our backward, upside-down world today!”
For millions in America obsessed with the almighty penis, the pivoting moment of the new comedy movie about dating and monogamy (or lack thereof) “Trainwreck (official site)” (reviews) is watching WWE superstar John Cena’s cameo appearance grinding away on top of AmySchumer.
[See NewNowNext for other exciting action shots. Cena says his sex scene, that took all day to film, was embarrassing — apparently for him because they had to use a phony “stunt penis” instead of his real money-maker in the conspiracy. Ha-ha!]
Since the release of this SHOCKING VIDEO, hordes of sexually-depraved people have been flying to this farm in Cambodia to get the seeds of the amazing plant — that resembles the organ we all love and admire.
Look at that nasty bitch. She looks like she’s planning on taking a bite out of it. She can’t even wait to get off the bus to the corner Motel Six to get at that funky pair in hair, let alone allow him to at least wash it off for her first. Such uncivilized behavior on public transit! I hope he got checked for STDs after he did Ms. Horror Movie Queen.
Here’s another desperate dick slob. She’s got stinky sweaty dick funk on her hands from Mr. Creepy who look like he’s just seen Michael Jackson’s ghost. Christ, you’d think these guys were the only dicks on Earth to these desperate chicks. Yuck. Carry fricken hand disinfectant in your purses with your weed, pills and little liquor shot bottles.
Tillie Didn’t Take Matt’s Big One!
It appears, by ALL their articles, Gawker is FIXATED on escaped murderer Richard Matt’s huge penis.
GAWKER writes: “The husband of Joyce “Tillie” Mitchell, the prison worker accused of helping two convicts escape prison earlier this month, said his wife did not have sex with the allegedly big-dicked murderer Richard Matt. Lyle Mitchell (with teef pictured above) told Matt Lauer in an interview on TODAY this morning that his wife claims Matt (the murderer, not Lauer) tried to kiss her “a couple times” but that’s all. Sure buddy.”
See another Gawker article: “Search for Escaped Murderer With Huge Dick Extends Into Vermont“
“Over 100 tiny penis lovers packed into King’s County Bar in Bushwick yesterday afternoon for the third annual Smallest Penis In Brooklyn pageant, a celebration of all things micro and proud…” NSFW Photos of the event here, penis freaks!
Smallest Penis Pageant Winner
He also has a gigantic cock just like Satan. [Source]
During interrogation, a prison officer remarked escaped murderer psychopath Richard Matt is “handsome and extremely well-endowed” — which leads prison officials to believe someone on the inside was coerced into helping him escape by being sexually manipulated by his HUGE PENIS.
Jeremiah Raber’s bullet-proof JOCK STRAP invention, called Nutshellz (a brand of athletic cup designed to protect a man’s testicles), gets put to the test by the inventor himself — who has his business partner shoot his dick WITH A RIFLE.