The Pope Warns Large Hadron Collider Could “Open the Gates of Hell”


A mysterious, inexplicable glitch has delayed the parallel universe experiment. Was it caused by an Act of God to prevent the opening of a Hellish parallel universe where the evil dead reside? The Citizens Against the Large Hadron Collider are overjoyed the device is not working, because they believe it is the work of The Devil. See The Encyclopedia of American Loons for information on the man behind Citizens Against the Large Hadron Collider.

The Pope appeared visibly distraught as he addressed the crowd of tens of thousands of followers present at St-Peter’s square to plead with the scientific community to halt operations on the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in an official Vatican release as scientists plan to use the device in an experiment to connect with a parallel universe outside of our own (details). The Church fears The Dark One himself, Lucifer, may even step through and bring catastrophe to our world.  [See “Attempt To Re-Create ‘Big Bang’ Begins March 2015 – Will Gates Of Hell Soon Open To The Destruction Of All Creation?”]

“My fellow Christians, we are living in desperate times,” the Pope told the crowd. “Science is about to test the limits of God and his creation. God has created boundaries between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Are these scientists about to unleash upon us the Gates of Hell?” he asked his followers, visibly shaken.

(Update: a short circuit delayed the LHC experiment); (You might also enjoy 9 Utterly Ridiculous Conspiracy Theories)

CERN Conspiracy Theorist Video

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