Florida Man Claims He Is the Devil and We Are All Going to Die on August 24!

Join Satan and Have
“Eternal Life in Florida” (-GAG-)
— or DIE!

Florida Devil Man
“I’d rather DIE than live ‘eternal life in Florida’ thank you very much!”

EXCLUSIVE FROM MORON.COM! Ashton Black was a “normal” guy working at a crummy payday loan job when he says Satan approached the counter and asked to “enter” him.

“People have until August 24, 2015 to accept me as their Master. I plan to kill billions and billions of humans. Those who do not bow down to me will be ripped to shreds by my demons. Those who accept me will be given eternal life in Florida. The world as people know it ends in August.”

“Satan was about 10 foot tall, had huge 12 inch horns, was red,” Black said. “He told me he wanted to enter me. And I said okay, why not? He became a gas substance and entered through my belly button. It felt totally intense like I had just smoked PCP. At that point, I became Satan.”

Turns out, this is a FAKE NEWS story. The photo above is explained by News from the Spirit World:

Update: Well the party is over for Satan and the people of Tampa can again safely get loans for beer, weed and pizza. The photo turns out to be from a posed collection from a professional  photographer with tags like ‘Vampire,’ ‘Halloween,’ and ‘Goth.’  

Control Unwanted Sexual Thoughts

Salt Water Spiritual Remedy