The Greedsters are Firing up their Boilers to RUIN OUR LIVES for Thanksgiving This Year.

Best-Thanksgiving-Turkey — **Reserved only for society’s elite this year. See Bad News below…**

**Each one will be priced between $100-120 at your supermarket.**

A Normal Frozen Turkey from the Supermarket Priced at $100-120.00 is “Not Out of the Question”

Thanks to “Turkey Drought” in 2014, “Turkey prices are going to skyrocket as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches this year. We’re going to be looking at prices upwards of 7 times higher than what we are used to, so it won’t be out of question to see Butterball Turkeys going for $100 – $120.”

“A warm turkey dinner is a luxury that should be reserved for the elite, wealthy, and worthy,” said Carmichael. “We plead with our citizens to leave the purchasing of turkeys to those that can comfortably afford it.”

“In response to this morning’s news surrounding the upcoming turkey shortage, the government has released an official statement asking lower-class citizens to just plan on eating chicken this Thanksgiving.”

Happy Thanksgiving

[It would seem we the people are gonna have to load up all our fancy firearms and go out and catch our own turkey this year, eh, gun aficionados?–Ed]