In “Behind Closed Ovens,” vengeful restaurant employees write of their encounters with assholes who mistreat them and detail their revenge on them. Fun reading.

Her: “BRING. ME. YOUR. MANAGER. YOU. FUCKING. LITTLE. IDIOT.”

And then she threw her head back. Horked. And spat on my foot. A BIG, MUCOUSY glob of spit.

I was jolted out of my snowy paradise by the sound of a raspy-voiced woman yelling over the loudspeaker. “I SAID TACOS, YOU DUMB BITCH!” was the first thing I heard upon re-entering the kitchen. “I KNOW YOU FUCKING HAVE THEM! DUMB BITCH!”

After one last attempt to apologize and offer her anything but a taco, shit got real: “SHUT THE FUCKING WINDOW, YOU FUCKING CUNT,” she screamed at me while taking off her seat-belt. “SHUT THE FUCKING WINDOW SO I CAN BREAK IT, PULL YOUR FUCKING HEAD THROUGH AND DECAPITATE YOU! I WANT MY DAMN TACOS!”