Jail Food: Breakfast

crime_does_not_payWhat’s for breakfast in jail, you wonder?  Certainly NOT bacon and eggs!  When you’re arrested for your crime against the people of your city, you are locked in a cell. Sometime around 5:00 in the morning you’re awakened by a loud jail cop’s voice over the intercom in your cell, telling you breakfast will be served. You must quickly make your bunk and get single file in a line to pick up your breakfast tray, which consists of mushy cream of wheat hot cereal (OR mushy hot oatmeal, if your jail is creative).

Jail Guard

Your Jail Guard

You are given one packet of sugar along with a bag of nasty dry milk you add water to in the cup they give you. You then take the tray to your cell and given 10 minutes to eat your grub before you are summoned by the jail cop’s testosterone-laden voice to go out of your cell, get single file in line again with the other inmates to return your tray.

Your Cellmate

You might even get lucky.

You then return to your cell and shut yourself in.  While most hate the breakfast mush, there is a bright side:  the hot cereal is actually good for your health, giving iron for energy and fiber.  Make the best of your experience there!  You’ll definitely lose weight eating jail food (just avoid the questionable lunch meat and cheese sandwiches), and when you’re released you’ll be a new you!

PRISON TALK